how can u be prego again
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
