She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
