community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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