Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
