You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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