i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
