I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
