I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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