she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
