moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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