I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
