i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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