An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
