Need sex. Gaining weight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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