Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
