so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
