I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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