dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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