Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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