I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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