If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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