I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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