Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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