i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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