the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize