I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
