he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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