My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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