Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
