No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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