I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
