What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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