Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
