I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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