not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize