is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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