you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
