No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
