so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize