38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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