Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
