I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize