I heard we made out
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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