I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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