her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
