the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There's always time for handjobs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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