Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Mom said you looked used
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
