He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Drunk is not a location!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
