i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just want nice things and good sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
