I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
