so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
