When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
