If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You took a bar mat shot.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
