He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
