I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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