your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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