omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
