These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
