I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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