i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How does it feel to date your dad?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
