i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
