Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
