I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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