I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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