he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
