She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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