he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
